The Use of Reward in Parenting

The reward system is considered as an excellent strategy of behaviour modification which helps children in taking responsibility for administering their own behaviours. This system teaches children to engage in a more appropriate behaviour. When reward systems are applied in combination with other disciplinary tactics, then it becomes a great inclusion to a complete behavioural management plan. Children from toddlers to teenagers can get benefit from gaining rewards when it is used as a part of the age appropriate disciplinary strategy. Reward systems should be properly chosen by keeping in mind the age group. Each age group comprises of different traits and thus the reward systems need to be arranged accordingly. Let us look at this considering the teenagers first.

Reward systems for teens:

Teenagers are strongly capable of avoiding all the formal reward systems. However, that does not mean you have to put a full stop on the reward system altogether. You can create a behavioural control for specific behaviour.

1.      For instance, you can allow the privilege of meeting with friends during the weekends linked to getting all the homework done for that particular week.

2.      Electronics can also be used as privileges for teens. For instance, you should allow them to use the internet only after they are done with their daily chores.

3.      You should not give money to the teens unless they are earning it.

You should make sure that you construct clear rules beforehand for avoiding complications. Your teen should get a proper understanding of the reward system. They should be well aware regarding what is expected each day from them.

Reward systems for school kids:

1.      School-age kids are able to handle a more complex reward system. In this age span using only stickers will not work anymore to motivate them. Rather, they can get benefit from exchanging the stickers for greater rewards. For instance, a six-year-old kid can get motivated after knowing that when he earns four stickers, then he can go out to play.

2.      Kids of this age group possess the ability to delay enjoyment a bit but this does not stay for long. So you must make sure that your child can gain rewards on a day-to-day basis. When fixing the rewards, you should keep in mind the behavioural traits of your child and act accordingly.

3.      The reward system should be properly explained to a child. You should sit with your child and make him aware regarding the functioning of the reward system.  You should also allow suggestions from your child regarding what type of rewards he wants to gain.

4.      When your child is reaching their goal regularly, start to phase out the use of rewards for the behaviour by making them harder to achieve e.g. by increasing the required number of stickers before they receive their reward.

Reward systems for preschoolers:

Preschoolers often get benefit simply from sticker charts. You should allow the kids to prepare their own sticker charts. This will help in motivating them for earning points. After that, you need to choose stickers that your kid likes the most.

You should make sure that the chart containing stickers get displayed openly in your house. Kids often feel very proud regarding their accomplishments and wish to ensure everyone that they have earned stickers. Praise them periodically for keeping them extra motivated to earn stickers.

1.      You should select one behavioral act to work at a given time. Behaviours that can be managed well with the help of sticker charts, involve using a quiet voice, nice words, eating green vegetables etc.

2.      Presenting a sticker instantly after witnessing the desired behaviour helps in the positive construction of good performances.

3.      Give them lots of praise for the task done.

4.      Do not criticise or take away points that they have already earned as this can demotivate your child from wanting to engage in the appropriate behaviour again later.

Rewarding three to eight years of age kids may work well this way:

·         A pat on the back, a warm smile, ‘good’ boy or ‘good’ girl are some of the powerful ways to motivate and praise your child; at the same time, a favourite chocolate, an ice cream, a toy or a pizza party are more prevalent…. these work well too.

·         Instead of using the carrot and stick method, we will look at these little simple rewarding methods adopted to promote ‘good’ behaviour.  Psychologists all over world would recommend this.

·         Cut out tiny gold stars from paper and reward the child with one gold star each time your child does ‘good’ task. Make a star chart and put up  one gold star when your child has eaten green vegetables, for good behaviour, completed an activity and so on. Give a star and praise your child. This works well because it is an effective way to reinforce good behaviour.

Parents should choose proper reward system for their kids. The appropriate style of parenting must include the fact that a child does not require to earn love from the parents

Advantages of using reward systems:

1.      Rewards act as a great motivating dose towards kids.

2.      Reward system helps in developing disciplinary traits among kids.

3.      Rewards also help in constructing a child's self-esteem.

4.      When a child gets appreciated for completing the assigned work, then automatically the confidence level increases.

5.      Reward system makes a child more disciplined.

Disadvantages of using reward systems:

·         Earning too many rewards at a time can make a child dependent on the parents for such stuff.

·         Improper use of reward system can resist a child in becoming independent.

·         A reward system can make a child greedy and controlling this behaviour becomes quite tough for the parents.

·         Using reward systems can make a child over pampered. A child can get spoiled due to extreme indulgence.

·         A reward system can make children feel that their parents reflect love towards them only when the assigned work gets done.

·         A point to be noted is, rewarding each time for a task can become a negotiation or ‘bribe’. A child learns to control situation and gets what he or she wants.

·         Studies also show that rewarding for each task done by kids, may turn harmful. For example when a child is rewarded for reading books, he may opt for shorter books and stories, there by the scores may go down. The expectation of a reward may make children lose interest in activities. Getting a reward for doing an activity may become habit forming. When not received, the child may lose heart and become demoralized.

Rewarding seems to be an inevitable part of bringing up a child. Nevertheless, one can be more vigilant and take care to make the child more responsible, taking positive behaviour instride.

In the end, I would say, ‘have a heart’, we all are learning. On a lighter note, let me share this with all….we had a tiring day in school as it was dental check up day, recently. No amount of rewarding or bribing could make little Akeera go to the dental room! She did have her way.